State of the Red-Light: Soi Cowboy

‘Sup dudes, my name is Seven. I’m one of the many debauched bloggers here in the Thai City of Angels. As a favor to my friends over at BKKNites, I’ve sent them the following article on the current state of Coi Cowboy as witnessed by me on a recent visit. You can find blogs on the state of Nana and Patpong over at my website. Now let’s drill down on Cowboy.

I hadn’t visited this famous entertainment zone in more than a year, so I was surprised by several changes. Change number 1: Rawhide and Long Gun have closed. This joint used to be my oasis—a place where a drunk punter could go in between the more raucous, hard-sell gogos on the soi. I often stopped in to Rawhide to catch my breath, and there was always at least a couple of hotties among the riff raff. But the rumor is, all such hotties had fled to other locales, leaving Rawhide bereft of any and all hotness, hence its closure. I’m excited to see what springs up in its place, as long as it’s not another ‘regular’ bar, although that’s the rumor. Not confirmed yet.

Speaking of oases and regular bars, change number 2 is Oasis—another non-gogo bar. I get it—since the release of The Hangover 2 normie tourists have flocked to the red light districts to gawk at the show and get a taste of naughtiness before pushing on to a club on Soi 11. And at first glance, a place like the Oasis might seem like a fitting place for these blushing lookie-loos to “safely” observe the wild animals from a distance. In point of fact, there already was a number of nongogos that provided safe haven for vanillas, the most popular being Shadow Bar, next to Dollhouse. I barely glanced at Oasis on my way to Cowboy2, but it did look nice. But I weren’t there for that. I go there for the gogos.

The Oasis Soi Cowboy

Speaking of Cowboy2, I remembered this joint as being stuffed with superhot hotties and thus was anticipating a stage full of drool-worthy dollies. Imagine my surprise when the roster reflected the same trend evident in Nana and Patpong—large groups of chubsters and only two hot girls. The same was true of Crazy House. My understanding was that when the Old Dutch restaurant closed, it would be joined with CH to make a larger bar with more seats. Not so. Old Dutch is now called Kazy Kozy, and I didn’t go in because a Cowboy local informed me that it’s where they send girls who aren’t good enough for the Crazy House stage. And in 2020, that’s saying something. CH is still tiny, though the seating problem was solved a different way—namely by employing a smaller number of good-looking girls, which has chased the customers away. Of the 13 girls onstage, only 4 were nude and only 2 were hot. At least they let me through the door with earbuds this time. The last time I tried to go to CH they wanted me to buy a beer before entering and put my headphones away. 170b San Miguels and the waitress pumped me for the extra 30b change as a tip. This little whoremonger’s never going back there again.

Change number 3: Yet another ladyboy bar has opened, called simply “Ladyboy Bar.” At least they’re not trying to fool anybody. And one compliment I can extend to Soi Cowboy is that they’ve managed to stave off encroachment by gay bars, a phenomenon that has veritably closed off an entire quarter of Patpong to anyone who isn’t a Liberace impersonator.

Change number 4: Lighthouse has the best lineup in Cowboy. My buddy Lucky and I kept saying it reminded us of the great vibe of the old Electric Blue in Patpong. 20 girls per rotation with a handful of 9s and a couple of 10s in each, plus great drink specials (90b happy hour beers and 100b all night). Well done, Lighthouse.

Lighthouse Agogo

The other place we really liked was Dollhouse. The girls were friendly, flirty, and fun-loving, and the manager whose name is Dino is very welcoming and amiable.  Lucky and I visited 5 other bars on Cowboy that night, but I won’t name them here because they were all horrid. Patpong is older and more run-down in parts, but it’s as good or better than Cowboy at the moment. This hasn’t always been the case, and Cowboy might bounce back in the future. But right now, it’s a mere shadow of its old, mid-2000s self, suffering as all red-lights are from a dearth of hotties, a strong baht, and a global economic slump whose recovery hasn’t yet reached the wallets of tourists and expat lounge lizards.

The Dollhouse Bangkok

I don’t mean to disparage Cowboy. It’s not really their fault that things are the way they are. The state of every red-light in Thailand is simply that not as many folks are coming. That is to say, they’re still coming—they just do it without visiting the red-light (rim shot). Still, there’s a good time to be had in the gogo scene, especially if you weren’t here in their heyday and can’t compare it to today. But even those of us who remember better times can enjoy Cowboy. For me personally, it comes down to whether or not I can find one or two good girls in each bar. That, more than anything else, is the difference between a fun night and a boring one.

When I say “good girl,” here’s what I mean: hot, fit, and will put up with me. If she’ll let me manhandle her a bit in the gogo without getting upset, she’s a good girl. If she lets me at least partially undress her whilst sitting with me there, she’s a good girl. If I can get a finger in one or more orifices without receiving a smack…she’s a good girl.

Lighthouse and Dollhouse have some great girls. Cowboy2 have a couple as well. I’ll have to go back again and check out the bars I missed on this visit. If there’s at least 5 joints with two girls each that I can get into, then Soi Cowboy can still be a winner of a destination. I’ll keep you posted.

In the meantime, follow me on FB and Twitter (@BangkokSeven), also keep your balls warm, your beer cold, and cheers to still being above ground in the greatest country on Earth: Thailand.

@BangkokSeven

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